


Crossing the Streams

by bessyboo, bluegeekEM, forzandopod, frecklebombfic (frecklebomb), fulldaysdrive, growlery, Hananobira, Rindle, Shmaylor, Tipsy_Kitty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Community: pod_together, Improbable Crossover, M/M, Multi, Night Vale Community Radio, Podfic, Podfic Length: 45-60 Minutes, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-06-20 10:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15532518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/pseuds/bessyboo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegeekEM/pseuds/bluegeekEM, https://archiveofourown.org/users/forzandopod/pseuds/forzandopod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/frecklebomb/pseuds/frecklebombfic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fulldaysdrive/pseuds/fulldaysdrive, https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hananobira/pseuds/Hananobira, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rindle/pseuds/Rindle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shmaylor/pseuds/Shmaylor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tipsy_Kitty/pseuds/Tipsy_Kitty
Summary: Led by the Voice of Night Vale, a tiny desert community is preparing to welcome interstellar refugees.





	1. the podfic

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after The Last Jedi in the Star Wars timeline, and somewhere in the early 120s, in the Night Vale episode timeline.
> 
> Please note that this story is best enjoyed in its audio form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was written by bluegeekEM and performed by:  
> bessyboo as Leia  
> frecklebomb as Rey  
> jadesfire as Finn  
> hananobira as Poe  
> forzandopod as Deb  
> shmaylor as Earl  
> rindle as Intern Avi  
> fulldaysdrive as Dana  
> tipsy_kitty as Carlos  
> and growlery as Cecil.
> 
> podbook created by bessyboo!

  
[episode one](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2018/crossing%20the%20streams%20-%20episode%201.mp3)  
mp3 / 21:17 / 20.6MB 

  
[episode two](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2018/crossing%20the%20streams%20-%20episode%202.mp3)  
mp3 / 27:37 / 26.7MB

[download the podbook](http://bessyboo.parakaproductions.com/Podbooks/Crossing%20the%20Streams.m4b)


	2. Episode 1: Expectation

CECIL: A friendly desert community where the night is dark, the stars are plentiful, and interstellar visitors are growing closer at every moment.. Welcome... to Night Vale.

_[[*intro music*](https://youtu.be/N8XPFnznzh8?t=23s)]_

CECIL: Hello listeners. Exciting news! Or perhaps concerning news. Or both! Exciting _and_ concerning news! Anyways, Night Vale is on the verge of hosting _visitors_ and we are in a flurry of preparations. To recap, for those of you just emerging from your bi-yearly reeducation retreats with the City Council and the Sheriff’s Secret Police, earlier this week we began to receive messages... from outer space. Here is a brief update on that experience from our very own Night Vale Scientist, and my husband, Carlos.

CARLOS: Well, it all began last week when I received a message from Kevin in the desert Otherworld-

CECIL: _[*somewhat distressed*]_ Wait, you still talk to him? I didn’t know that.

CARLOS: Yes, of course. I did conduct a fair amount of research when I was there, and Kevin had such an interest in my findings. He also keeps tabs on Doug and Alicia and the rest of the masked army for me.

CECIL: _[*mildly worried and distressed*]_ Oh.

CARLOS: Anyways, he was picking up some strange signals with his equipment out there and thought I should see if I could make sense of it. It took several days, and several more attempts on the part of the emissary to make contact, but eventually I was able to decipher the message. It’s actually a fascinating method, because I wound up having to-

CECIL: While I would love to hear you regale us with the technical details, _again_ , to be sensitive to the less… _scientific_ of our listeners…

CARLOS: Ah, yes. Well, in the end I was able to learn that the messages we were receiving were a distress call. The senders were a small group of refugees asking for help in escaping what seemed to be a hopeless situation against a powerful enemy. At first they were asking for help to _fight_ this enemy, but later the messages turned to requesting help in evacuating their planet and then later to requests for refuge. It seemed that their situation became increasingly desperate.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: A fight against insurmountable odds? A small group of regular, yet somehow extraordinary because of that, individuals banding together against a stronger and more numerous foe for the freedom to live without tyranny?

CARLOS: Yes, of course! And given Night Vale’s own history with such struggles, naturally the City Council wanted to cover the whole thing up. _[*thoughtful tone*]_ At least that’s what your brother-in-law said when we went to see Janice in the school’s summer play the other evening. Anyways, the City Council tried to pretend that nothing happened, but ever since you defied Station Management and-

CECIL: Ahem! _[*clears throat loudly and obviously*]_

CARLOS: -I mean, ever since you performed your civic duty to inform and educate the community, many citizens of Night Vale rose up in support of these refugees and insisted that we offer what support we can. Although they may or may not be refugees of the Blood Space War, they still need our help.

CECIL: Well, that is an excellent summary of events, Carlos. Thank you for your time and significant knowledge. One last question: Any idea when these visitors will be arriving in Night Vale?

CARLOS: Well, it’s been a little difficult to measure time as they report it. Some of the messages between us and the visitors seem to be getting scrambled. A few even seem to be displaced in time! But after careful scientific examination, my team of scientists and I are predicting the arrival of the visitors any day now. I am so looking forward to this opportunity to study these visitors, their culture, and technology. Just from our brief communications thus far, they would seem to be among the most scientifically interesting-

CECIL: _[*interrupts abruptly*]_ Well, that _is_ exciting, indeed. Thank you again, Carlos.

CARLOS: _[*still chipper*]_ Oh, well, you’re welcome. And try to get out on time tonight! We can have a midnight snack under the stars before bed.

 

**

CECIL: _[*cheerful again*]_ Now, Night Vale, I wanted to bring this interview to your ears not just because I love my husband and enjoy this extra time we get to spend together in the studio, but also because I’ve been receiving reports about protests forming outside of City Hall, chanting “Interlopers” and “Ban the outsiders” over and over again.

_[*tut tut tut noise*]_

CECIL: Now listeners, I know we’ve been wary of outsiders in the past, but I think we’ve all come a long way since then. And these visitors seem to have endured incredible hardships, something our little town knows a thing or two about, wouldn’t you say? So let’s all stop this “banning the outsiders” nonsense and give them a warm welcome.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: And, to clarify, by that I _don’t_ mean using torches, people. _[*emphatic tone*]_ _Put away the matches!_ Thank you.

 

**

CECIL: Among the fascinating information that Carlos and his scientists have learned about our visitors is that they are very low on supplies and resources, having evacuated their base in quite a hurry. Mayor Dana Cardinal has released the following recorded statement:

DANA: Greetings, Night Vale. In keeping with our town’s very short tradition of humanitarian outreach, last exhibited in our attempts to help the residents of our neighbor, Desert Bluffs, I am asking you to join me once again, in helping a community in need. These travelers have only the clothes on their backs, dwindling food supplies, and no shelter beyond the ship they will be arriving in. They need us, Night Vale. They need us to welcome them with open arms and retracted claws, with warm blankets and a filling meal, and most of all, with understanding and patience as they adjust to their new circumstances. I’m counting on you, Night Vale. And more importantly, _they_ are counting on you. Thank you.

CECIL: Well, there you have it, Night Vale. The visitors have the full support of the mayor and therefore they have my support as well. In fact, after hearing Dana’s plea, I sent out Night Vale Community Radio’s newest interns to begin spreading the word of our donation drive and I have just received an update on their-

_[*rustling paper*]_

CECIL: _[*somber*]_ Oh. Oh my. Listeners, I have terrible news! Intern Akela, mistakenly thinking that the Night Vale Public Library would have a notice board for the posting of public bulletins the way that the coffee shop, Big Rico’s Pizza, and the Night Vale mortuary do, ventured into its labyrinthine halls! Onlookers, remaining carefully out of poison spitting distance and recording the incident as per the Night Vale Community Bystander Guidelines, report hearing only agonized shrieks and a sound reminiscent of the cracking of book spines as they are torn to pieces and fed to a nest of fledgling librarians.

_[*faint sound of a distant recording, not fully distinguishable to the audience*]_

CECIL: _[*sounding disturbed*]_ To- To the family of... of Intern Akela, she was a dedicated intern whose reckless bravery will be remembered for at least the duration of this broadcast.

 

**

 

CECIL: Stars. Planets. There are so many out there. Crowding the sky. Filling the darkness with tiny pinpoints of light. Always there. Always overhead and all around. Entire galaxies, rushing away at an indefinable rate. Racing through space, with you and your loved ones clinging desperately to the planet upon which you fiercely wish to remain. 

*pause*

CECIL: Oh! And a spaceship. Landing on the Night Vale High School football field. Right now, according to my reports. So… be careful of that.

*short pause*

CECIL: This has been... traffic.

**

CECIL: Well, listeners. I’ve received word that Mayor Dana Cardinal, Sheriff Tamika Flynn and her Secret Police, my husband, Carlos with several of his top scientists, and Nazr al-Mujaheed, Night Vale High’s football coach, are all approaching the vessel currently standing on the football field. This is incredibly exciting! I will keep you updated as events progress and contact has been made.

**

CECIL: And now it’s time for our popular segment, Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner!

CECIL: Hey kids! Now, I know that your parents and your teachers and even your favorite television programs are constantly reinforcing the importance of hard work and dedication to your education in order to succeed at whatever your life’s ambition is. And that is true. But you should also know that sometimes, people are just naturally skilled at something, even if they haven’t been specifically working to hone that skill their whole life. You never know what parts of their childhood may have contributed to being good at something that others might struggle with. Why, my own experiences as a young boy scout in Night Vale are a great example of this! I don’t know what I would have done without the knowledge that earning my Subversive Radio Host, Advanced Siege Tactics, and Animal Companion badges have given me over the years. And we can’t forget the potential for a higher power giving us skills beyond our dreams… just think of the Angels and those that are called to them. Sometimes we surprise even ourselves with what we are capable. Keep on working hard in school _and_ honing your natural talents, kids. You never know when you’ll be the next, or the last, community radio host, teenage militia leader, or wielder of space magic.

_[*brief pause*]_

CECIL: This has been Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner.

** 

CECIL: I have received word that the initial meeting between our Night Vale envoy and the leader of the visitors has been mostly successful! Although initially hesitant and suspicious, their claws clicking restlessly and spine ridges standing at attention, the Sheriff’s Secret Police have retreated slightly from their aggressive stances and both the Mayor and the Sheriff have welcomed the visitors to our town. Coach al-Mujaheed is reported as being less welcoming, his behavior described as agitated and impatient as he gestured frantically at the football field, currently serving as a parking lot for the space vehicle. As his gesticulations grew more emphatic, two members of the Sheriff’s Secret Police stepped forward to escort the Coach from the field. Hopefully we’ll see him again to lead our team to football victory... Whenever the visitor’s ship departs the field, I suppose.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Oh dear, listeners. Apparently the visitors have a number of injured among their group, and ambulances have begun to arrive to transport those affected to the Night Vale General Hospital for treatment. Well, I am glad that Night Vale is pulling out all the stops in showing our hospitality and civic nature to our intergalactic guests in such great need. More on this as I learn it myself.

**

 

CECIL: And now I bring you the community calendar. Throughout the week, Night Vale Community College will be offering mandatory workshops on three of the following: quilting, basic computer literacy, collaging, finding faces of deities in your food, open communication, closed communication, the emerging phenomena known as “bat snatching”, and what really exists at the end of rainbows. On Monday, the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home is having guests over, so she’ll need you to clear out for the day. On Tuesday, there will be a solar eclipse, wherein the sun will briefly be replaced with a high-powered torch. On Wednesday, we will not do enough. We never do enough. Thursday is on holiday, and will respond to your message upon its return. Friday hasn’t been seen in a while... does anyone know how Friday is doing? If you see them, tell them we miss them, it’s been too long. On Saturday, there will be live entertainment at Dark Owl Records. Each session will feature a selection of the following sounds: plants torn out at the root, long rattling breaths that seem to grow ever closer, your mom’s voice when you haven’t called in a month, the last noise made by each resident of a planet before it was wiped out of existence, sand crunched between teeth, noise metal made from heavily distorted samples of noise metal, the rush of air just before a door slams shut, a baby crying. Enjoy! Sunday will be everything you want it to be. It will be all of those things at once. 

CECIL: This has been the Community Calendar.

 

**

CECIL: Next, I’d like to turn to Deb, a sentient patch of haze, who has a few words for us.

DEB: _[*impatient, somewhat abrupt, dismissive of most human concerns*]_ In an unusual turn of events, I am here to serve as the spokesbeing for the pledge drive to help the Interstellar Visitors repair their spacecraft and restock their supplies.

CECIL: Well, thank you, Deb. I am eager to learn how the fundraising is going, perhaps later in the show.

DEB: Well, I am not. The thought of advertising for money only to give it away to the needy instead of lining the pockets of the wealthy CEOs of America is an uncomfortable and uninteresting one, so I’ll make this brief. Donations of various currencies, spines, viscera, household items, and gently-used clothing can be brought to the Night Vale High School gymnasium for sorting and distribution. That is all. Good day.

CECIL: Umm. Well. Good day to you too, Deb… aaaand she’s gone.

_[*short pause*]_

CECIL: _[*somber*]_ And speaking of fundraising, I have some solemn news about the other Night Vale Community Radio intern I sent out on the charity errand earlier in the show. I have now gotten word that Intern Avi, thinking that dog owners are clearly the friendly and generous sort of individuals who might donate their spare change and rarely used internal organs to those in need, and apparently _not_ having heard about the ban on entering, talking about, or even thinking of the Dog Park-

CECIL: _[*interrupting himself and as an aside, sounding slightly confused*]_ Are they new in town? I mean, these are veeeery basic Night Vale rules and regulations we’re talking about here-

CECIL: _[*Cecil pulls himself back on topic*]_ Ahem. Anyways, Intern Avi has apparently entered the Dog Park and is likely never to be heard from again. _[*slightly playful tone*]_ Lightning doesn’t strike twice, right Mayor Cardinal? _[*serious tone*]_ To the family and friends of Intern Avi, you have our condolences. Intern Akela? Would you- Oh. Right. _[*sounding very slightly embarrassed*]_ Well that’s awkward. 

_[*slight pause*]_

CECIL: Well, anyways, rest assured that their photographs will be added to our tribute wall as soon as we hire another intern to clear out the oldest of the entries, some 4 months old, to make room for the new additions. 

CECL: While we contemplate the weight of that statement, I bring you now to… the weather. 

**

 

[The Weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBHhbLdJ4Yg)

 

**

CECIL: Another update on our visitors, Night Vale. While the injured visitors are receiving treatment at the Night Vale General Hospital, the rest of their group, now known to be called “The Resistance” have been settled into makeshift accomodations in the Night Vale High School gymnasium. According to Coach al-Mujaheed classes have been cancelled because, “What’s the point if there’s no football?” 

CECIL: _[*wry tone*]_ I think it’s more likely due to the fact that, since it is summer break, classes are not in session. I hope that you will join me in wishing them a good night’s sleep, Night Vale, now that the visitors have reached the dubious safety of our little town.

**

CECIL: And with that, listeners, I wish you, and our guests, farewell for now. Stay tuned next for the sound of humming and buzzing, and of a microphone being whipped through the air across a speaker.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Good night, Night Vale. Good Night.


	3. Episode 2: Existence

CECIL: Safety is a fleeting sensation, and loss, or the threat of it, resides around nearly every corner. Welcome... to Night Vale.

_[[*intro music*](https://youtu.be/N8XPFnznzh8?t=23s)]_

 

**

 

CECIL: Sober news, Night Vale. The visitors held a memorial gathering, today, to remember those they lost in their recent battle. They took turns naming their fallen comrades and offering anecdotes about their lives. It was a moving and pensive scene, and one that I think those of us in Night Vale can sympathize with, given our own past losses. Several Night Vale residents took this opportunity to memorialize their own loved ones.

 _[*pause*]_

CECIL: I even… I even took a moment to offer a few words about a dear friend of mine, Old Woman Josie. It’s been over a year since she passed, Night Vale, and I still think of her and the role she played, both in my life and in the fabric of our little town. Long ago, when we faced one of the many many many _[*increasingly emphatic*]_ many many many dangers to our town and way of life, Josie told us that if she were to fall then so would Night Vale. That was true, back then, and it was something we were thankfully able to avert. And thus, Night Vale prevailed against incalculable odds. But then later, when the inevitable passage of time took hold and Old Woman Josie _was_ taken from us, our community… our... _family_ managed to pull together and honor her by carrying on. By not forgetting her. And by continuing to be the town to which Josie devoted her life. 

_[*pause*]_

_[*Cecil clears his throat softly and inhales through his nose as though sniffling slightly*]_

CECIL: Well, it’s certainly gone quiet here in the studio, listeners. My guests here today are all sitting awkwardly, stiff, and with their eyes darting over to one of their number and then quickly away, as though needing to reassure themselves that she is there but not wanting to be caught doing so by her- oh. Whoops. 

_[*short pause*]_

CECIL: Well... Sorry.

_[*short pause*]_

CECIL: Moving on… And now, listeners, I have several of the town’s intergalactic visitors here at the station with me to share their story and their gratitude for the generous support our town has offered them. The group calls themselves The Resistance, and with me is their leader, General Leia Organa, as well as some of her staunch supporters. Interestingly, among the General’s entourage are several… robots? The presence of which toes the line with our town ban on computers, of course. These ‘droids’ as the visitors call them, seem to be… well, rather nice. Although at first their presence brought a lot of concern to those of us here in Night Vale, Megan, the formerly detached grown man’s hand who is now in possession of a body, was thrilled to make their acquaintance and they have since become fast friends. And no one’s died or been taken over yet, so… that’s great!

_[*short pause*]_

CECIL: Because of the City Council’s concern for the presence of almost-computers in Night Vale, they have assigned an escort to follow the droids when they are entering certain… _sensitive_ areas around town, such as the Community Radio Station. And as a result, the General has several heavily armed guards with her, as well, who are currently in a staring contest with members of the Sheriff's Secret Police and the City Council’s hooded figures. Well, doesn’t that look like fun. My money is on the blonde visitor with buns in her hair, Listeners. Well, on with the show! Welcome, General.

LEIA: Thank you, Mr. Palmer.

CECIL: Call me Cecil, please.

LEIA: Of course. I want to take a moment to sincerely thank you and all of the people of Night Vale for their help in our time of need. Thanks to your town, both our hope and spirits have been restored.

CECIL: That is wonderful to hear, General! And what are your plans for the future?

LEIA: We plan to return home and continue to gather support and resources form wherever we can. I cannot sit idly by and allow the First Order to rule to galaxy and spread its poison further. The Resistance is greatly weakened, but we have survived and we will not give up the fight.

CECIL: Thank you, General Organa.

 

**

 

CECIL: Although we have not been able to determine whether The Resistance is fleeing from the same Blood Space War that several of our community members have left to join, it is certain that they have been part of _a_ war, that is both bloody and being fought, at least in part, in space. So…. same difference, I guess.

 

**

 

CECIL: And now I bring you the community calendar. On Monday, the Eternal Scouts going on an exciting expedition to… Umm, well, actually, Night Vale, I can’t actually read what is on the notice. The words are extremely scratched up, almost to the point of tearing through the page. And the ink smells like pennies. Huh. Oh well, perhaps they’ll send in a clarification for next week’s show. Tuesday will be a jumbled mess. Make sure to change your clocks when 7pm becomes midday. On Wednesday, Night Vale will host the annual observation of the tortured screams that resonate from an as-yet unknown location. Who knows where it’ll be this year! On Thursday, an old enemy thought defeated will return. Friday will be the day. _The_ day. That one. It’s been waiting for you. Saturday will be the same as last Saturday. Make better choices, this time. Sunday happened long ago, in a galaxy far, far away. You’re not expecting a Sunday, are you? Tsk. 

CECIL: This has been the community calendar.

 

**

 

CECIL: Today I have another edition of “Hey There, Cecil” for you listeners! My first question is from a listener by the name of Not-Just-A-Number-Anymore. This listener asks, “Hey there, Cecil. I met someone, or more accurately _someones_ , not that long ago, whom I admire a lot. They are incredibly skilled, loyal, driven… they are capable of things my mind can barely imagine. And they have incredible hair.”

CECIL: _[*interrupts himself*]_ They sound like keepers, Listeners!

_[*Cecil clears throat*]_

CECIL: Not-Just-A-Number-Anymore continues, “They make me feel like I belong and like I matter. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell them about how deep my feelings go. We met under some pretty extreme circumstances, and have recently endured even more life-threatening situations. I don’t want them to think my feelings are the result of adrenaline or desperation. What should I do?”

_[*brief pause*]_

CECIL: Well, Not-Just-A-Number, believe it or not, I have a little experience in this area, and my advice to you is to sit down and have a talk with those beings that you admire. Communication is incredibly important in any relationship, and being clear about your feelings and hopes will help all of you cut to the heart of the matter, as it were, and decide where to go from there. The Night Vale Recreational Center even offers classes on butchery if you think that literally getting to the heart of things might help by giving you something to do with your hands if you are nervous. Good luck, Not-Just-A-Number-Anymore!

_[*rustling papers*]_

CECIL: That was a long one, listeners, so I’ve only got time for one more. This is an email from Avi-

CECIL: _[*thoughtful*]_ Hmmm, that name sounds familiar… I can’t quite place it. _[*dismissive*]_ Ah well.

CECIL: Anyways, Avi writes, “Hey there, Cecil. I feel like I am losing control of my life, and possibly my mind. I uprooted my entire life and moved to a new town for a fresh start recently. My new job isn’t working out quite the way I’d expected and I now find myself wandering around lost in unfamiliar terrain. In addition to that, weird things seem to be happening to me… and _in_ me. I can _sense_ the living things around me. Their feelings, their intentions… Animals, people… even the hooded figures that patrol this place and seem determined to try and apprehend me. But every time they try, something stops them. Rocks fly up and hit them or birds attack them from the sky. One time I even yelled at them, telling them that I didn’t know what they wanted and I wasn’t who they were after. Then they just… left me alone. I don’t know what to do from here, Cecil. I need direction. Both figuratively, in my life, and literally, in my physical location.”

CECIL: Well, Avi, it seems like you have the solution to your troubles right there at your fingertips! Demand that those hooded figures lead you out of whatever other world you’ve found yourself in. And if that works, then add this skill to your resume as “management experience!” It’s always good to beef up your work history. In fact, once you are back on track in the physical world, drop off your resume to the radio station! We are always looking for new staff. 

_[*short pause*]_

CECIL: _[*very serious tone*]_ I mean that. We are literally _always_ looking for new staff.

CECIL: _[*returns to chipper tone*]_ Well, thank you for your letters, Night Vale. Good luck!

 

**

 

CECIL: An update on the incredible community effort to prepare our visitors for their return to their home galaxy. All of the injured and exhausted visitors who managed to avoid the librarians and the Dog Park and the inhabitants of the underground city located beneath the bowling alley and wheat and wheat by-products and auctions and old oak doors and their doubles and….

_[*Cecil clears his throat*]_

CECIL: Which is all of them, actually. They’ve been here nearly a week and they haven’t lost a single member of their group - an impressive accomplishment, indeed! Anyways, they have all made a full recovery. And thanks to your generous donations, they will have enough food, water, clothing, spines, and mix-tapes to get them safely home. Great work, Night Vale! It’s so nice to be a part of such a generous and big-hearted community that takes care of each other, and takes care of the visitors that have traveled through space, and possibly time, to seek refuge in our little town.

 

**

 

CECIL: And now, Earl Harlan, sous-chef at the popular local restaurant Tourniquet, is back in the station for another “Cooking Stuff with Earl Harlan!” This segment is an excellent opportunity for cultural exchange, so today Earl is joined by one of our visitors, Rey, who seems to be one of the leaders, or at least a spokesperson, for the group. Take it away, Earl and Rey.

EARL: Thank you, Cecil. Glad to be back in the station with you. Today I’ll be sharing my special Jerk Chicken recipe with you all.

CECIL: My, my, my, Earl. There do seem to be a large number of ingredients that you’ve got there. And Rey… you’ve got… a packet, a bowl, and a cup?

REY: Yes, Cecil. I’m… in the habit of traveling lightly.

CECIL: It would seem so. Well, I’m looking forward to the taste test. So long as the final product contains neither wheat nor wheat by products.

EARL: Well, first you’ll take your-

_[*Earl’s voice is obscured by kitchen sounds*]_

EARL: And then you’ll add all of those ingredients to your blender or food processor along with-

_[*Earl’s voice is again obscured by sound*]_

EARL: And now I’ll want to transfer that mixture into a marinade pan or bowl and add the most important ingredient, the chicken. Remember: it is incredibly important that you only use chickens that are legitimate jerks for this recipe. Merely casually rude or mildly obnoxious chickens won’t offer the quality of flavor that you want here. Those jerks will marinate for twelve to twenty-four hours in the fridge and then once you’re ready, you just cook them up on the grill and enjoy!

CECIL: Well, thank you, Earl, I look forward to finishing these up at home. Tomorrow, apparently. And now, Rey? How about you tell us about your method?

REY: _[*sounding amazed and a little disapproving of the implied time and effort put into Earl’s meal*]_ Right. Well. First, pour your portion packet into a bowl, if you have one, and add just enough water for it to thicken while still leaving you with enough to avoid dehydration. Then stir once and wait until your ration finishes rising.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: _[*sounding slightly confused*]_ And then…?

REY: _[*deadpan*]_ And then you eat it.

CECIL: Well, that was… succinct. Thank you, Rey.

 

**

 

A word from our sponsors:

CECIL: _[*serious tone*]_ The military, religion, and the monarchy all fight for dominance, leaving the simple peons to suffer at their feet until they shuffle off the mortal coil. It is the eternal struggle, the endless battle, fought again and again for untold eternities.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: _[*upbeat tone*]_ Join the Night Vale Chess Club! Newly reformed, the chess club welcomes players of all ages, originating planets, and skill levels… all that’s needed are a few hours a week and a good attitude. Remember, poor sportsmanship will _not_ be tolerated… we all want to walk away with the same number of limbs we started with, don’t we?

CECIL: This has been a word from our sponsor.

 

**

 

CECIL: Before I return to our guests in the studio today, listeners, I have an update for you on one of our interns, Avi.

CECIL: _[*as an aside*]_ Why does that name sound so familiar?

CECIL: To summarize, Avi is one of Night Vale Community Radio’s interns that was working on the fundraising project for our visitors. They ventured into the Dog Park, never to be seen again. Or so I thought. But now, I’ve received word that Avi was seen _exiting the Dog Park_ , escorted by several Hood Figures walking stiffly and silently around them. Once free from the park, Avi walked through town, trailed by the hooded figures until they all reached Big Rico’s pizza. Once there, Avi is reported to have waved their hand gracefully and darted down a nearby alley. The hooded figures then shook their hoods and presumably looked at each other, before shrugging and entering Big Rico’s. Hopefully Avi is on their way back here to the radio station, since they’ve missed several shifts and the “Intern’s To Do” list is really piling up.

 

**

 

CECIL: Oh, oh my. I don’t know if you can hear that on the transmission, listeners, but there was just a bloodcurdling scream from outside the studio. Everyone in the recording booth looks alarmed and… and now they’ve run out of the room and down the hall. Except for the guards. They are all still having a staring contest. They are very dedicated to winning, I guess. I’d better go check on the commotion myself. While I do that, I leave you now with… the weather.

 

**

 

[The Weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAi17sRFnVg)

 

**

 

CECIL: Welcome back, Night Vale. As you know, during the weather I investigated the noise from down the hall and found everyone clustered outside the men’s bathroom. Khoshekh was purring up a _storm_ inside - literally, there were even snow flurries for a few moments! - because he hasn’t had many visitors lately and he does love attention. But now, I’m going to ask a few of our guests to describe what happened.

POE: Ummm, well, I’m a little embarrassed about this, actually.

CECIL: Don’t worry about it. I’m sure all of this must seem strange to visitors from so far away. It’s natural to feel off-balance for a little while.

POE: Right. Yeah, well. I went to use the fresher and everything went fine until I went to wash my hands and splash some water on my face. When I stood up from the sink I could feel claws in my hair and whiskers in my ear. It… startled me. So I screamed. _[*awkwardly*]_ I mean, I shouted in alarm. And I could feel whatever was in my hair scrambling around in surprise, but it couldn’t seem to get free, so I, umm, shouted some more. And then Finn and Rey came running in.

FINN: When I ran in there I found Poe with the most adorable floating creature with its claws tangled in his hair. The poor thing was just floating there by Poe’s head batting its own paws around trying to break free.

REY: It was pretty funny, actually, once we saw that everyone was okay. I mean, Poe was yelling like he’d stumbled on a rathtar in there instead of all of those cute little fellows.

POE: Yeah, they both laughed for ages before actually helping me with the… kitten, did you call it?

CECIL: Yes. The men’s bathroom is the home of the station cat, Khoshekh, and his litter of kittens. 

FINN: Well, they’re adorable, and quite friendly once they aren’t trying to smack Poe around.

POE: I’ll admit that they’re kind of appealing, when they aren’t yanking my hair out by the roots.

FINN: That’s what you get for having such beautiful hair, I guess.

POE: Careful, Finn, I might take that flattery to heart.

REY: Well, you should.

 _[*slightly awkward pause*]_

CECIL: And now, listeners, these particular visitors are sitting in my studio making googly eyes at each other. It’s _adorable_.

FINN: What are googly eyes?

CECIL: _[*coughs*]_ Don’t worry about it. What’s even more interesting, listeners, is that one of Khoshekh’s kittens, specifically the one that had been tangled up in Commander Poe’s hair, has departed its stationary location floating in the men’s bathroom and is currently curled up on Rey’s shoulder, purring contentedly. It looks like you’ve made a new friend, Rey! What luck!

POE: Lucky kitten, indeed.

REY: He is a charming little creature. These kittens, what do you do with them, Cecil?

CECIL: Well, they are pets. They provide companionship, love, and loyalty to their humans. Though some also have tasks, such as catching pesky rodents, serving as familiars for important blood circle rites, or providing a soothing purr that can lull you to sleep when you are struggling with the intrusive thoughts in the maelstrom of your mind. That sort of thing.

FINN: They sound wonderful. I’ve never had a pet before.

REY: Neither have I.

POE: I had one as a child when I was with my grandparents. It’s wonderful. You both deserve to have the experience.

CECIL: Hey there, listeners. The Googly Eyes have returned!

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Ummm, well, listeners. Now three of the visitors are all petting the kitten and looking at me pleadingly. _[*to Rey, Finn, and Poe*]_ You know, all these kittens have owners already. I can’t just _give_ one away without permission.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Well, at the very least I can look up who owns that particular kitten…

_[*rustling papers*]_

CECIL: That little guy is owned by… oh. Oh, well. That little guy is named Laylah and he belonged to Old Woman Josie. Old Woman Josie’s daughter, Alondra, said that she’s finished managing her mother’s estate, and made no mention of the kitten. So, I guess this means he’s an orphan. Sort of.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: The visitors are staring at me with pleading eyes, listeners. It is very uncomfortable. Look, alright, alright! If you promise me that you’ll take good care of little Laylah and allow his Daddy Khoskekh to say goodbye to him, then you can take him with you. 

_[*soft sounds of cheering*]_

CECIL: They are now embracing, listeners, all three of them and the cat. Aaaaaaand - yup! The Googly Eyes have returned once again!

 

**

 

CECIL: And look who we have here! Listeners, Intern Avi has returned! Come on over to the microphone, Avi, and tell us how you are doing!

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Avi? Are you okay?

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Listeners, Intern Avi only took a single step towards the recording booth before freezing in place and merely staring at our visitors. General Organa and Rey are now staring back. _[*brief pause*]_ And now General Organa is reaching her hand out to beckon Intern Avi closer, which they are doing without hesitation. And now they are continuing to stare at each other, just from much closer together. _[*pause*]_ It’s super weird, listeners. 

_[*audible conversation, though it sounds slightly further away compared to Cecil’s voice*]_

AVI: You feel… different. In my head.

LEIA: Yes, I imagine we do. You’re the first Force-sensitive individual we’ve encountered here so far, so I imagine this is the first time you’ve sensed anyone else like you before.

REY: _[*amused*]_ It’s weird, right?

AVI: Very. And also a relief.

CECIL: _[*in a loud, obvious whisper*]_ It’s definitely weird, Night Vale. And they are still staring. But they are also smiling a little, too. So maybe it’s a good weird?

LEIA: We should talk, the three of us. Once we’re done here. There is potentially a lot to talk about.

_[*the sound returns to the normal level again as Leia fully faces her microphone*]_

LEIA: I apologize for the interruption, Cecil. 

CECIL: That’s okay, General. Seems like something important and difficult to comprehend just happened here. And we’re nearing the end of the show, anyways. So I will bid you and your companions farewell for now, though hopefully not quite yet farewell for good.

LEIA: Indeed. Thank you, Cecil. And good night, citizens of Night Vale.

 

**

 

CECIL: Exciting times, indeed, Night Vale. Stay tuned next for heroic marches and fanfares, heavy on the brass, though with a number of string themes and the occasional woodwind solo.

CECIL: Good night, Night Vale. Good Night.

**Author's Note:**

> BluegeekEM's commentary:  
> This was an absolute BLAST to create. Originally paired because of a shared love for Star Wars, Growlery and I stumbled upon our mutual love for Welcome to Night Vale during icebreaker week and thus these radio plays were born. This is definitely a first for me, as far as writing in this format, and I had such an incredible time. 
> 
> Working with Growlery has been lovely and I want to thank her for a great pod_together creation. I also want to be sure that everyone knows that the hilarious and pitch-perfect Community Calendar content was her brilliant creation, so please tell her that she's amazing (for that and so much more ;p ).
> 
> Also, thank you to the pod_together mods for running this challenge once again. This is my second year of participation and I am completely in love with it. You are wonderful!


End file.
